I feel the cold penetrating my skin and numbing my bones. Every thought or idea that enters my mind is wrong. Awful. I can't bear it enough to stay. All I want to do is leave, run, drive away, fast. It's strange how something that used to be so familiar, easy, now seems excruciating. I just know that I can't. I am so tired, and I can't. I can't even cry. I just want to go.
It feels odd because there really isn't any pain, there really isn't any joy, and I wish it were different, because my face is exhausted and my smile keeps getting smaller. It's like someone laughing at something really sad and then realizing that it hurts. But it doesn't hurt, it's just nothing, nothing... And I wonder where everything went and why I didn't stop it and why I didn't scream for help. But I guess I just thought "Fuck it, I'll scream later," like Marlee said. And I guess she did scream later, and I just need to figure out when "later" is so I can do it, and I also wonder if I'll be able to, or if I'll just be dead somewhere.
